"I was born into this world upon a day that took the one thing that might have made My life different, away from me. My Mother. My birth and life brought Her death. A fact that My father never let Me forget. As I think back and remember My first real memory of anything was cleaning My own blood from the walls of our living room. Maybe all of 4 or 5. After Mother died Father would take His... aggressions out on Me. Feeling it was His right as I killed Her. There were many times I cleaned up my own blood from the walls of many different rooms. Yet even in My Father's abuse and anger He did teach Me how to wield a sword. Not as well as a Man, He would say, but good enough considering I was female. Another fact Father never let Me live down. That I was a girl.

We live in the woods outside a small village called Amandine. Nobody bothered us, which was fine for both of us I guess. Most knew of Father's temper and did really care to get to know us. Maybe they might have if they knew... then again maybe not. Who would really care about a poor girl that kill Her own Mother right?

Upon my 13th birthday, and the 13th year anniversary of My Mother's death, My Father gave me to ultimate birthday gift." …Chuckles… "I screamed at Him to stop. Never in My life had I beg for anything as pitifully as I beg for that. He just kept going with His boozed soaked breath blowing into My face. I asked Him why and even as I felt the searing pain in My loins I knew why. Because I took His Wife from Him.

That was the first time. But far from the last.

As I got older I spent any time I could practicing My sword fighting. To get away from the house. I would spend weeks in the Forest yet I would always come back home. Taking My punishment. Only to feed My hatred and loathing for Him.

One night not too long after My 16th year I had enough of Him and His constant takings. This time I fought back. I don't think Father expected it. And I really don't think He expected the sword, My sword, He found in His belly. I watched Him with hate filled eyes. Gurgling and squirming upon My blade. Finally it was His blood that splattered upon the walls of our home. But I have to admit I didn't expect the dagger slash down My left cheek in His last attempt at saving His life. A scar on the outside to match the many He placed on the outside. What happened next I really don't know. Much is fuzzy. I pushed Him off My blade. Hearing the soft thunk of His lifeless body hitting the floor. I remember My anger rising that His death was too quick. The pain from My face and then... Flames. They were every where. All around Me. Consuming the house and all the death inside.

I woke near the River and never looked back. Traveling into the city. Stealing a few supplies and a Horse I left Amandine vowing I've never come back. Many towns I crossed as I traveled. Stole or killed for what I needed. Visions of Flames and Fire would fill My dreams. Or where they dreams?

Finally I changed upon a town called Lasterin. I was sick. So sick. Could not keep anything down but damn if My stomach was not getting bigger. I passed out only to awaken to a face. Soft and sweet. Like that of an angel. 'Mother?' I whispered but of course My Mother was dead. The woman was kind and she and her family offered Me their home. At first I was going to decline... but the Woman gave me news. Even as she said it she smiled, softly. Like it was a happy thing. I was with Child. My mind reeled. Child! No! How? How could that be? Even with my sheltered life I knew were babies came from and I had only been with...

I screamed. Those visions of Flames and Fire sprang up before Me. But they were not visions. From My finger tips sparks of pure Fire shoot out. That Woman, that Family... Too bad they asked Me into their home. Too bad for them.

How I survived the next 3 months I don't know. I contemplated killing Myself many times. I was sick and disgusted by what grew within My person. And then I could travel no more. Lucky for Me I was in the middle of the village square in this new town I found Myself in. Another time in My life where memories are gone, or hazy but they do come back to the sounds of a baby crying. My child... My son had been born. Only one look I stole upon the tiny thing. One look to see the green eyes like Mine, in so many ways He looked like Me... As I reached out to touch Him I drew My hand back just as quickly. Knowing who spawned THAT. In the cover of night I left... All my belongs and the child that was My Son and My Brother.

Years passed as they seem too. I found that when My anger was triggered Flames would surround Me. I killed My fare share of people by just setting them on Fire. How I started to love the smell of burning flesh." ...Dark chuckles... "Then I found Beware. I didn't plan on staying long but I did. Meeting Nightshade and Sethiroth Majore they both taught me to control the Flames that sprung up instead of letting them control Me. There was something about Sethiroth that intrigued Me and when He asked Me to join His family, I did. Becoming Gwendolyn Majore and standing by Sethiroth's side as His Sister. Another I met and the heart I thought would never "love" began to do so. SummerGold not only became a Sister but she also taught Me that it was not My fault that My Mother died giving Me life.

As I stayed in Beware it became Home. So much magic and darkness and now with Me being able to control the Flames I used that to the best of My advantage. Yet at many times my anger ruled Me and when I almost killed SummerGold, the one who had shown Me nothing but kindness I took My own life at the Waterfalls. But death was not going to be given to Me and soon My soul was returned to Me.

With My new family pretty much scattered I craved power. To learn and took up tutelage under Black~Rose. She was a wonderful teacher and taught Me much. And later on after My time under Her teach was done, She asked Me to join Her as Sister in a Dark Woman's Guild known as the Angel's of Death. Me, along with others, became some of the most powerful Woman in Beware.

Settling into My new life with My adopted Family I was hit with a face I never thought I'd see. A young man entering the Castle one night with deep green eyes. I felt Myself grow weak and almost sick. But I had to know... and yes He was the child I had given up so many years ago. Joshua Silver had found His Mother. It was hard at first considering who His Father was but something about Him, perhaps the fact that He was nothing like the Father we shared, helped Me push past that. Embracing Him as My Son and letting Him take a place in My heart and My life.

Soon it seemed that My new family in being a Majore was pretty much son. I had SummerGold, Joshua, and BloodBitchofDarkness who was teaching Me more and more about being a true Darkie. With Her passing into the world of death I left Beware. Seeking to mourn in private. Once again there comes a time when memories are nil. Where I went and how I got back I do not know but when I came back to Beware I was... different. A "Lighter" Gwendolyn. During this time I met Andre. An Ice Angel who stole My heart and showed Me such love. But as things seem to happen in My life ever after was not in the cards for us. The block in My Darkness was triggered and memories of who I was flooded back to Me. Yet He said He'd love Me anyway. Light and Dark can love... but that does not always mean they can be together. This was the case for us.

Andre vanished, much to Joshua's delight, but My heartache. With My hand upon a swelling belly I made a vow never to love again. A vow I very much held to. During My pregnancy I was captured by Dark Chaos. What He did to Me and My unborn I do not know but I felt something... different about Myself until the night Christabel Silver was born. Delivered by My former Teach and now Guild Sister, Black~Rose.

After Christabel was born something called to Me. And with Her I took the long journey back to My birth place. Back to Amandine. I found where My Home once stood during the cover of night. Even after all these years still black and burned. With My child cradled closed I look... and made My peace with My long dead Father. Not forgiveness but closure. As the silent words left My lips a great pain ripped through Me. Laying in the charred earth a figure took My child. I could not scream. I could not more. I could only watch as the solid form of My Daughter faded and became of Darkness and Shade. A shadow. Words echoed in My mind... 'Blood for Her of age and the power will remain.' Feeling the shadowy embrace of My Daughter I woke to find Myself back in Beware in My bedchambers.

With just about all family ties as a Majore gone and My closure with My Father I took back My birth name and once again was known as Gwendolyn Silver. A time later Christabel was taken to Dark Shrine and aged with the blood of an innocent. Bringing Her fully into the world with Me and Joshua.

Since the taking of My life at the Waterfalls I've felt a great draw there and while I visited the place one night My sweet Ice Angel came back to Me. Andre. Only to leave just as quickly due to mixed feelings between Me, Him, and My Son. Alone, save for My Children, I made a decision to use the powers of Mine and bring back the one thing that I robbed from Me.

My Mother.

With "donations" from various people from the Realm I took got the things I needed to bring Her back to Me. Eyes from Lady Alora, a lung and kidney from Princess Gwen, heart and brain from tressa@soi, when needed the soul life from Jessica Antisni, blood from Myself. For only Silver blood could be used and I would not take it from My Children. Leaving My wrists and arms scarred. And gloved to hide them. And it seems since the leaving of Andre once again something was changed about Me. Skin was hot to the touch. And when the hood of My cloak was down My face was like paste. It seems the Flames that served Me so well were slowly killing Me. If I had only known the release... but alas it is too late now. A small part of that answer was let go the night I set fire to the Waterfalls. Forever marring the beauty of that Land.

One late night in My lab, kneeling in front of the glass alter coffin I had built for My Mother, something snapped. Catching My reflection just so in the glass I was appalled as what I saw. Letting loose the rage and anger that has been bottled up for so long I torched the Lab. Months of work gone in the Flaming heat. This time, unlike other times, the Flames burned even Myself. Burned and charred I made My way painful to the Great Book. Sending a message to Black~Rose through the Angel Link and also penning My departing words 'Sometimes when you play with Fire... You get burned.' With one last spell I destroyed My lab. Turning away from the Book. Down the path and away from Beware... Gone.

If You are reading this now I am Dead. These pages of My journal were written in My final moments. How I remembered so much I don't know but maybe I was stronger than I think. Or thought..."

...As the cyanide tablet breaks instant death takes Me... pen falling from My hands... upon My request I'm placed upon a pyre and Fire is set to it... taking My body fully into ash... the book is scooped up by gentle hands and My final wish is carried out... to bring My life... and My death to those that wish to read...